Happy Birthday

Yesterday was Jacob’s birthday. He turned 20 years old officially as of 3:25 yesterday morning. Today he is clean and has been for about 6 ½ months now. Today he is working. Today he is father to his beautiful 7 month old son. Today he is doing pretty well.

As I do from time to time, I’ve been thinking back over the past 20 years….where did all that time go? As I do every birthday, I reflect on this particular day 20 years ago, how happy and fulfilled I was, how beautiful and healthy he was. So many hopes and dreams. I think back to those early years and what a joy he was as a baby, toddler and little boy….how I long for that child of mine! I’ve said a million times and will say again; if I could take away the addiction component of him I would have the perfect kid. Jacob is and always has been a loving, giving, sensitive, funny and sweet boy. I guess I’m somewhat lucky that he is also this way even through addiction. I guess I’ve been fortunate on one hand that he isn’t abusive, mean or violent in his addiction; although on the other hand I’ve often wondered if he were, would it make it easier for me to detach when needed? Who knows, perhaps not.

Through this journey I’ve come to realize that while Jacob will never be President, a doctor or a lawyer, a nuclear scientist or even CEO of some big corporation, that’s okay. What is most important to me is that he beat and survive this thing called addiction, find peace, joy, contentment and hope in his life, be a responsible and functioning member of society and above all be happy….these are my hopes and dreams.

 I love you Jacob, Happy Birthday!