About Me

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Dallas/Ft. Worth, Texas, United States
I'm mom to 3 beautiful children, wife to a wonderful man who is the love of my life and grandmother, "Nonna", to a beautiful grandson. Like too many others out there, I am the mother of an addict. I am still learning to deal with things in a healthy way and have a life inspite of the insanity that addiction produces. I am very blessed to have found this community of amazing people that share so much of themselves with us all through their blogs. You are all an inspiration to me. I share your struggles, your pain, your joys and all your hopes. I pray for the addicts still out there suffering and for the people that love them the most. My heart felt thanks to each & every one of you! May God's mercy and grace be with us all, Kristi

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Happy Birthday

Yesterday was Jacob’s birthday. He turned 20 years old officially as of 3:25 yesterday morning. Today he is clean and has been for about 6 ½ months now. Today he is working. Today he is father to his beautiful 7 month old son. Today he is doing pretty well.
As I do from time to time, I’ve been thinking back over the past 20 years….where did all that time go? As I do every birthday, I reflect on this particular day 20 years ago, how happy and fulfilled I was, how beautiful and healthy he was. So many hopes and dreams. I think back to those early years and what a joy he was as a baby, toddler and little boy….how I long for that child of mine! I’ve said a million times and will say again; if I could take away the addiction component of him I would have the perfect kid. Jacob is and always has been a loving, giving, sensitive, funny and sweet boy. I guess I’m somewhat lucky that he is also this way even through addiction. I guess I’ve been fortunate on one hand that he isn’t abusive, mean or violent in his addiction; although on the other hand I’ve often wondered if he were, would it make it easier for me to detach when needed? Who knows, perhaps not.
Through this journey I’ve come to realize that while Jacob will never be President, a doctor or a lawyer, a nuclear scientist or even CEO of some big corporation, that’s okay. What is most important to me is that he beat and survive this thing called addiction, find peace, joy, contentment and hope in his life, be a responsible and functioning member of society and above all be happy….these are my hopes and dreams.
 I love you Jacob, Happy Birthday!


  1. Happy Birthday to Jacob and happy giving birth day to you!

    He is one seriously good looking young man!! Do you think becoming a father has had a positive affect on his sobriety? I have heard that from others, but I know it doesn't always work that way.

    You are lucky that he was never violent, aggressive or mean. But, you're probably right. I think it makes it easier for me to distance myself emotionally from my son because of how cruel and threatening he can be at times.

  2. Thank you Barbara! Yes, I do believe that Ry's birth has played a big part in where Jacob is in his life now. However, having said that, I worry constantly about whether it will always be enough to sustain sobirety for Jacob long term. I hope with all my heart that Ry's presence was what Jake needed to finally take a serious step back, look at his life and start turning it around and rebuilding for himself, his son, his family...I just don't know for sure and he still has things out there that he needs to take care of. I worry because although Jacob has remained clean (for the most part) for more than 6 months now, he's doing it on his own, he's not working any program, he's not in a "recovery program"...this in my mind makes it all somewhat of a fragile kind of recovery...know what I mean? Guess only time will tell the whole story...

  3. Happy Birthday to your very handsome son! I am happy for you that he is clean. One day at a time.

  4. Happy birthday to you both. I always thought that moms should be celebrated on their child's birthday ~ isn't it the moms that did all the work??? ha ha. hugs from the Northwest. -Carolyn

  5. Happy Birthday to you and Jacob! So nice to hear some good news about a loved ones sobriety!

  6. I just found your blog. I will be following. Happy Birthday to your beautiful son!