About Me

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Dallas/Ft. Worth, Texas, United States
I'm mom to 3 beautiful children, wife to a wonderful man who is the love of my life and grandmother, "Nonna", to a beautiful grandson. Like too many others out there, I am the mother of an addict. I am still learning to deal with things in a healthy way and have a life inspite of the insanity that addiction produces. I am very blessed to have found this community of amazing people that share so much of themselves with us all through their blogs. You are all an inspiration to me. I share your struggles, your pain, your joys and all your hopes. I pray for the addicts still out there suffering and for the people that love them the most. My heart felt thanks to each & every one of you! May God's mercy and grace be with us all, Kristi

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Demons Are Alive and Well....

I can’t think, I can’t focus, I can’t concentrate on anything but him and will he live to see tomorrow….I can’t breathe.  He’s back out, using.  What the hell drives his demons? As much as I understand addiction, I will still never fully get it. He doesn’t know that I know…yet. Won’t really matter or make any difference when he knows, he’ll just deny it and fabricate some well spun story which he’s a master at.  So, my plan at this point is to try to have one brief conversation with him to let him know that this time I do not want to see him or hear from him until he is ready for help in the form of serious recovery, ready to commit at any cost, ready for the hardest work he’ll ever do in his life.  I have turned him over to God.  I can’t fix any of this for him as much as I wish I could, I know that.  I don’t know what else to do…..  He’s in deep, playing a very dangerous game with high stakes and I just pray he doesn’t end up dead.  With any luck his outstanding warrants will catch up with him soon and he’ll end up in jail, the best place for him at this very moment.  This sucks, what else can I say?


  1. You pretty much said it all.

    Good luck and be strong

  2. I'm so sorry. Do you have a sponsor? Someone you can call? A live voice on the other end of the phone?

    It does suck. Big time.


  3. Oh sweetheart, yes it does suck, very much. All I can say is I have been in your shoes and may be in them again when my son gets out soon.

    Sending you a huge hug and wishing we could all just wake up and have this addiction crap be a bad nightmare....

  4. I am really feeling your pain right now. I can only say that I'm sorry you are going through this. But it is good to give this to the Lord I think.

    Thanks for commenting on my blog. I actually like Christmas music. It's usually just mellow music that I listen to near "the end", according to my husband. Ha!

  5. That about covers how it feels. hang on. hang in.

  6. Hi Kristi. I also feel your pain. Like I keep saying, 'do what you have to do for yourself or your son at the time'. Turning your back, or letting them go is one of the hardest decisions a parent of and addict will ever have to make. Praying and hoping the lord will keep them alive, when and when you do it, is all you can do. Keep strong. One day Jake will return as your son, clean and free of drugs. Thinking of you

  7. Thanks to all of you for your comments. It seems that things weren't exactly as they appeared with my son when I srote this post...I think we're on an upward turn, one day at a time - Praise God!! Thank you for all your support...it truly helps get me through the hard times. I will post about what happened and where we seem to be at present...please keep the prayers flowing, we ALL need them! Thanks again!!

  8. Yes, I cab sure relate. I am going through the exact same situation.

    Prayers for you and your son.

  9. Oh Kristi... Somehow I lost my link to you, but found you again through another blog. I have walked the road it sounds like you were walking, many times. You have said everything including the most important: I have turned him over to God, and I can't fix this for him. I was a little relieved to see your further comment that things may not be quite so dark now, and just wanted you to know, my prayers continue, and I'm thinking of you, and it seems to me that you are doing the hardest, and the right things!!

  10. Have you tried Al Anon?? My mom recently joined and it has helped her to tell my addict brothers no.