About Me

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Dallas/Ft. Worth, Texas, United States
I'm mom to 3 beautiful children, wife to a wonderful man who is the love of my life and grandmother, "Nonna", to a beautiful grandson. Like too many others out there, I am the mother of an addict. I am still learning to deal with things in a healthy way and have a life inspite of the insanity that addiction produces. I am very blessed to have found this community of amazing people that share so much of themselves with us all through their blogs. You are all an inspiration to me. I share your struggles, your pain, your joys and all your hopes. I pray for the addicts still out there suffering and for the people that love them the most. My heart felt thanks to each & every one of you! May God's mercy and grace be with us all, Kristi

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Back Where It All Began....Part I

So, where to begin…. This blog is something I’ve been meaning to start for quite a while now but, beginning seemed to be the hardest part. My journey began a little over 5 years ago, yet seems like decades ago. I’m Kristi; I’m the adult child of an alcoholic. I’m wife to a wonderful man that it took me three shots to finally get right. I’m mom to 3 wonderful children: mine & my husband’s only child together, our son who is 6 months old and so precious to us, a beautiful & smart daughter that’s 16 and my oldest at nearly 20, Jake - he is my heart and he is my addict…this is our story.

How can 5 ½ years seem like a lifetime somtimes? It amazes me when I stop and recount all that has transpired in such a short period of time – never a dull moment (although I long for them!). A little back ground first - Jake was diagnosed with ADHD at a relatively young age, in my opinion….he was right at 6 and I was told he was a “textbook case.” He was a very energetic child, full of wonder and seemingly happy. His dad & I separated & divorced when Jake was 7. About 5 years later I re-married for the 2nd time…to an alcoholic who had never had kids; this marriage should have never happened. I’ve often wondered where the hell my head was at that time in my life…what was I thinking? He was a nice guy, not the abusive kind of drunk, just “Joe Party” all the time. I’m sure this situation that I put us all in, did absolutely nothing to deter the events that were about to unfold. Husband #2 just wasn’t cut out to be a husband and certainly not a parent…I wonder how much of an influence this little detour in our lives had on my 2 kids at that time? As for his drinking, it was an every single day occurrence which he was unwilling to change…he didn’t see that there was a problem regardless of the fact that I had a son in the early days of his struggle with addiction. Husband #2 even went so far as to give Jake a beer after he had been to rehab the first time!!! What the hell?!?! He said that was his way of bonding with my son!! Bonding? Take that crap somewhere else pal, you are out of here and out he went!

Around Junior High (6th grade) is when things began to go south. Jake seemed to become more of a follower than the leader he had always demonstrated that he was. He always gravitated to older kids (8th graders in this case). It seemed like I was always getting calls from the school….Jake pierced some kids ear in the cafeteria before school, Jake isn’t doing his school work, we think Jacob and others are sniffing markers, we have a group of girls that idolize Jake and it’s recently been discovered that they are cutting…we noticed scratches on jakes arm….and on and on. Jake was 12 years old the first time he was caught smoking weed….12!! I was blown away!! I wasn’t naive enough to think that he would never experiment with pot, but never in a million years would I have believed that I would be dealing with that at 12.

Just after Jake turned 15 is when the bottom seemed to fall out. I don’t know what it was, but every year, a couple of months into the new school year, everything seemed to get really crazy with Jake….I began to dread September/October every year. In late September 2005 I asked his doctor to set up a lab appointment for Jake and that I wanted blood and urine tests and wanted him tested for anything and everything. I didn’t really know what was going on, but I knew something wasn’t right. He came back positive for THC and alcohol. His doctor recommended that we get him into an outpatient program. Its funny when I look back…I remember his doctor telling him that he was an addict and him looking at her with these huge brown eyes like she was crazy and saying, “What? I’m not a drug addict, that’s crazy…are you serious?!?” Of course at the time I have to say that I was agreement with him (although I never let him know that!). I have never condoned the use of marijuana or anything else, but he was a teenage boy and we were talking a little weed here, nothing else, right? Addict was a term I associated with a person that had a serious drug dependency on serious drugs, that wasn’t able to stop….wasn’t it?

At this time I was about to take a trip to Italy for 2 weeks. My kids were going to stay with their dad while I was gone. So, my ex-husband began looking into outpatient programs in our area. He found one and said that he’d get Jake started immediately. Great! Two weeks later Jake, flowers in hand, was at my gate to greet me upon my return from Italy…this was a Saturday afternoon. He was so happy to see me and couldn’t wait to tell me all about this outpatient program he was in and how good he was doing. A little later he asked if he could spend the night with a friend who I believed was a good kid and whose mom kept a close eye on him. Sunday morning around 8 AM I received a call from our local police. Jake had been breaking into cars in an apartment complex and I was asked to come get him. When I got there, my son was passed out in the back seat of the squad car, totally and completely out of it. This is what happens when kids mix alcohol with 5 mg. of Xanax. Jake was placed into treatment for the first time that day. Two weeks in-patient, 1 week intensive out-patient followed up with aftercare and 90 in 90 in NA. He was diagnosed with poly substance abuse and depression. Aren’t all addicts depressed? I never really got this…. At this point, I was a total and complete wreck.

This was to be the beginning of a journey to hell with my son, my heart….


  1. Kristi, I am so glad you started this blog! Jake is blessed to have a mom who loves him so much, I can feel it in your words. Its a painful journey.

  2. Thank you so much Barbara!!! You're right, I love this kid of mine with every fiber of my being!! I pray that one day there's a "cure" to the addiction problems in this world just as people pray for a cure for cancer. But in the mean time I am so grateful to have stumbled onto this community of bloggers....you have all been a God send for me!! Thank you again!

  3. I know where you have been and how you feel. Keep writing, it truly has helped me so much. Looking forward to reading more and sorry to welcome you to our club, as supportive as it is.

  4. Hi there, I am right here with you. All I can say is that you have found a very caring bunch of people here on line. We are tremendously supportive of each other and want to welcome you to our imperfect world, loving an addicted child.

  5. Hi Kristi, So glad you are here and sharing your story. I can relate to so much of it. My daughter started very young also. Had her first drink at 12 and by 14 was a black out drinker and smoking pot daily and using anything else that was offered to her. She is 21 now. Things have calmed down since February. She isn't in recovery which concerns me because I believe that to truly be healthy she needs to be dealing with whatever underlying issues are present. But that's not my call in her life at this point. She is working and living with a friend and taking care of herself out there in the world. Our relationship is pretty good, really enjoyable when we spend time together. So today, I am grateful and I can say that what we have is good enough for right now.

    Glad you are here. Keep writing! Its good for the soul. :o)

  6. My daughter was also 15 when she broke out in full blown addiction. I feel your pain so much. We are all here for you. Keep writing and we'll keep reading!